Why am I Doing This?

This question has come up a few times, so I wanted to write a post about why I’m doing what I’m doing and what I hope to get out of it. This is all about me but I believe many people can benefit from what I have to offer, so I want to explain why I’m thru-hiking the PCT, and also why I’m sharing this journey through this blog.
The first part of this is that I am on a journey already, and I haven’t even set foot on the trail yet. This is an inner journey as much as an outer journey, if not more so. I have recognized in myself a great deal of immaturity and egotism, and having faced this I find the reality of it unacceptable. Rather than coming at this from an angle of shame, I aim to pinpoint the areas that I am lacking in and draw attention to them so that I can determine the source of my egotism and address it directly. In this way I hope to gradually move further away from my egoist thinking and shift instead into awareness. Awareness of myself, who I am, what my weaknesses and strengths are, the world that I live in, the relationships I participate in, so on and so forth. The goal is truth, and in order to reach that I have to start being honest with myself, and in order to do that, I have to accept myself.

This is my goal.

Second to that is my desire to motivate others to do the same thing. I hope that in sharing my journey, it may give you some perspective into how many different ways there are to explore your own journey in life. I want people to question themselves, to explore possibilities not yet considered, and to always be moving forward in some way. I want to inspire them to create, destroy, live and breathe. I want them to ask themselves why they are in so much pain inside, and I want them to consider what role they’ve played in their own suffering.
Why do I want this? Because I did it and every day that passes I free myself of another aspect of my ego. I am learning how to use my mind instead of it using me. It isn’t easy and I would not have come to this on my own, so perhaps there are some who can benefit from my stories as I learn how to accept myself for who I am. You can do this too. You are not alone in your suffering. However, you do not have to continue suffering. You can be free. I cannot free you. But perhaps I can show the entrance to the path.

Also, I love nature and camping and hiking, I’ve been doing it for a while, and what better place to practice my survival skills and find beautiful landscapes than the Pacific Crest Trail? About 60 mountain ranges to traverse, 57% pure unadulterated wilderness, and little camping towns packed with like-minded people. So of course I want to share the wealth of pictures and stories I will have as I explore this amazing trail. No doubt I will have many difficulties, which I will share along with my triumphs and everything in between. I know some of you simply want to live precariously through someone else, and I would be happy to be your window into a life of adventure and travel. If someday you ever take it upon yourself to join in the fun, just remember me fondly as the one who showed you the way to this awesome path. If not, that’s okay too, I hope you enjoy my articles and pictures and videos. One side of my journey as well is learning to do away with my self-image. This is one reason why I like to share videos of me exploring music even when I’m not terribly good at it. The point isn’t whether the music is perfect or I look good doing it, the point is that I am on a journey of exploration, and this is where I start from. I will pick things up, practice them, and get better over time. You get to see this process in action, which may help you see that literally anyone can do it. That musical instrument you want to learn? Pick it up and make a noise. That language you want to speak? Start with one word. The world you want to explore? Take one step outside.

In the end, this is about me growing up. I have recognized that I am still a kid. I’m 25 and I know as much as a 25 year old knows. Not any more than that. When I am 60, I will know as much as a 60 year old, but for now, I am 25, and I have a LOT of growing up to do. I am going to embrace this and explore my potential. I hope you join me in this challenging, yet immensely rewarding journey.

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2 thoughts on “Why am I Doing This?

  1. I really appreciate what you said about recognizing your flaws and focusing on them in the name of growth. That’s a really important lesson a lot of people never learn, because it’s fuc*ing HARD. I experienced the tear down and I almost didn’t survive it, but going through that made my life now possible. Made it possible to live the never ending adventure.
    Good luck on your quest!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much for your well wishes! Also yes, it is an incredibly difficult path but I believe worth it in the end. In life, it is good not to neglect living.
      Lastly I wanted to mention that I absolutely admired your writing. I always appreciate a unique perspective and yours is particularly insightful.
      Thanks again for your visit!

      Liked by 1 person

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